You Seal your Marriage with a Kiss, Not a Blow Job: A Monogamous Look at Love
What is it?
Actually?
Seriously.
Never mind.
Are you going to tell me or not?
The fact that you don't know what the word monogamy means sheds a rather unflattering light on our past relationship.
Huh?
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I believe if you're committing yourself to a person then you don't get to decide whether to sleep around or not.
And as for open relationships? Hell naww. Personally, I'd be offended. I'm a jealous person, and I hate sharing.
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Technology makes it harder to achieve. We're all comparing ourselves to each other's make-believe happiness, causing our realistic relationships to seem inferior, boring, or too much work. I think it's possible for people to be monogamous, but we have to work at it and want it. I have always known I would rather be alone than with the wrong person. I'm not investing in anything less than the gold standard.
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Bullshit.
… I may have recently discovered that someone cheated on me. Otherwise, I'm normally a big believer in monogamy.
My instant feeling is "forever"-- unless he's a revolting whore.
You don't start a relationship with that not being the end goal.
...The forever part, not the whore part.
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For about a year I tried to date and not be serious. I liked a guy who didn't want to be exclusive so I tried to play it casual. I couldn't do it. I want that person's attention. I want to be the only one.
And if I'm asked to add a third party, I guess I'm no longer enough. He needs to find someone else.
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I suppose I consider it to be the ultimate goal. I also consider it to be a complicated concept. The idea of maintaining complete dedication to one individual, through the many curveballs thrown at you from so many different directions, seems an enormous feat. Whether there is an individual for each person that makes it a breeze, or whether it requires serious degrees of sacrifice and commitment in any situation, I don't know. Maybe it's being the age that I am that makes it appear harder to comprehend.
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I'm not really sure what to make of monogamy. Though the concept was probably spawned from the idea of marriage, which itself was probably spawned from the very basic instinct of having a fail safe way of reproducing. Being in a happy, bubbly, new and monogamous relationship at the moment, I'm surprised at how cynical I sound. In all honesty though, the reason monogamy works for me is because nothing is more anxiety inducing than being the cause of someone else's pain. And the reason I think monogamy works for most people is that humans are (or have become) way too sensitive, insecure, and analytical to be in charge of the emotions of more than two people at a time (their own and their partner’s). Also, I think true love, or some shit, is part of the equation as well.
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It's alright. Bit of this and that, you know. Bob's your uncle. Pip pip.
… Fuck sake.
Monogamy is a double edged sword.
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My initial thought is that people often associate monogamy with the physical act rather than the emotional act.
Both parties talk about their boundaries. The extent of monogamy is based on mutual agreement.
You've been with your girlfriend for a while. Say she came to you and wanted a threesome?
…..You're not joining our relationship, Chelsea. We love you. But no.
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I think everyone will be hurt by monogamy in their life. Not just at some point in their life, but by every person they choose to be monogamous with.
We are essentially animals and we all have impure thoughts and actions all the time. I think you just need to find someone who has a similar definition of monogamy so that you are on a similar page. However, when you find this person, you will still sometimes act in ways you wouldn't want the other person to know about. Whether it's enjoying the hot guy hitting on you because it boosts your ego, intentionally wearing a short skirt because you know it gets you attention, looking at your ex's Facebook or sending him a message, convincing yourself it's innocent and you genuinely just want to be friends.
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The idea of being with just one person for the rest of your life? Fear. And the thought of never knowing what you have potentially missed. But when you're truly in love and believe that nothing else can make you happier, it's very romantic and lovely; which obviously sickens me.
But open relationships? I suppose the stereotypical guy perspective is, how is it not awesome to have a girlfriend and still fuck who you want? But once you're committed, and you honestly like them, why do it? Some people see sex as sex and nothing more, and to them I tip my hat. But for myself, I couldn't do it.
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Wife: Monogamy is about having a long term, trusted relationship. It’s eternal friendship, and growing old together. Surviving through the tough times and coming out the other side. It’s about comfort and relaxed security, especially when you're older. You need that. Marriage is that final step you both take together in solidifying a life long commitment. Call me old fashioned, but I think that's important. He chooses to be my husband above anything else, and I choose to be his wife.
Husband: It's a good thing.
Wife: Open relationships don’t appeal to me. They’re not healthy, and I don’t think even the strongest relationship could truly handle it. If you’re sincerely in love and committed, you wouldn’t want to go there.
Husband: Sure fire way to turn a good thing bad.
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Physiologically speaking, humans weren't meant to be monogamous. But emotionally speaking, I think we are only capable of handling monogamy. Everyone wants to feel validated in their own self worth and the absence of monogamy means the absence of that validation, in my opinion. But I also think it takes time to settle into that way of thinking, and people that are under a certain age shouldn't be pressured to stick to choices that are not choices they're ready to make. But I'm not down with open relationships. What's the point of being in one if you're not committed to the other person involved? Threesomes would be situationally dependant; if both parties are interested in spicing things up, then maybe.
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Realistically, if you are interested in someone else, maybe we are growing out of what we had, which is no one's fault, shit just happens.
Monogamy is murky at best.
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You need to test the waters a bit and have individual life experiences before getting into a serious relationship. Actively looking for one doesn't really work in my opinion. It just happens when you're not expecting it to. Learning to be happy by yourself first makes it so much more rewarding when you reach that spectrum of happiness, love, and trust with a partner. I wake up smiling every day because I know that that part of my life is sorted. There is no doubt in my mind that I'll grow old with my girlfriend and have a family, and see the world. And knowing that gives me more time and support to figure out the rest of my life.
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You always have a choice. It's your life, and you decide which path to take when a situation presents itself. I've been married long enough to know that you will always be faced with temptation. Even if you are certain you've picked the right person, life happens and you will be asked to question your decisions. Is the grass greener? Would he make me happier? But you make a choice. I guess it boils down to what is more important to you; the chance of a new romance, or the decision you made to make your current romance your only priority, and to keep that flame burning. Once you make that decision, in time, that fleeting romance dissipates and you forget altogether what it was that ever made you wonder.
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My first thought? What does that mean again?
But seriously, I suppose I'd think, “Man, I wish I had that”. Found "the one" to spend my life with. But I haven't, so I'm here. But if you do find it, good for you. It's a rarity these days.
And wouldn't it be great if it happened more often. If it was all just easier.
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Definitely just hooked up with that Irish massage dude.
It wasn't even a question of if, but when, my dear brother.
Married. Two kids.
So I need not ask your thoughts on monogamy…
Also, I've decided to start liking pickles. Not like how you like them, but in a more casual, sure why not kind of way.
I honestly don't know how to feel about this.
I just ate one and I wasn't mad about it. It might just be a phase. I'm taking it as it comes.
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